写作原文

　　As is shown in the picture the humans divided alone keep contact with each other by internet. Every one owns a computer ,which is their mainly mean to contact out.In addition,there are spider net between everyone,which lead the people alone.The picture revealed a current social phenomenon that people dependent extravagantly on the internet rather than the normal conversation. The spider net is a great metaphor of the soul-wall,which alienateus,meanwhile,it is a net relate us. Whats more worrisome is that they not only contact with strangers with the net,but also families. It is a dangerous game! Maybe,it would make the families destruction.In my opinion,though the association in internet itself gives little cause for criticism,people should use it in a proper way. Chatting with strangers or distant fellows by computer is OK,but it is indispensable for us to use it in close friends. To have a good result,the society should encourage the people to focus more on the real world and the people themselves should enrich their lives and thoughts.

　　总体点评

　　本篇文章存在一些简单的语法错误，且说服力不够强。作者在写作完之后若可以花费几分钟时间来回读文章，并自学库或语法书，把自己不确定的都弄清楚，那么便会减少不必要的失分。不管什么问题，只有自己查了，才能更好地掌握，希望你在以后的写作中能够多注重基础知识，比如句子的构成。然后可以积累一些好的词句，并将其运用到自己的练习之中，为自己的文章增彩。坚持就是胜利，加油吧，祝你考研成功!

　　写作原文

　　As is shown in the picture the humans divided alone keep contact with each other by internet. Every one owns a computer ,which is their mainly mean to contact out.In addition,there are spider net between everyone,which lead the people alone.The picture revealed a current social phenomenon that people dependent extravagantly on the internet rather than the normal conversation. The spider net is a great metaphor of the soul-wall,which alienateus,meanwhile,it is a net relate us. Whats more worrisome is that they not only contact with strangers with the net,but also families. It is a dangerous game! Maybe,it would make the families destruction.In my opinion,though the association in internet itself gives little cause for criticism,people should use it in a proper way. Chatting with strangers or distant fellows by computer is OK,but it is indispensable for us to use it in close friends. To have a good result,the society should encourage the people to focus more on the real world and the people themselves should enrich their lives and thoughts.

　　总体点评

　　本篇文章存在一些简单的语法错误，且说服力不够强。作者在写作完之后若可以花费几分钟时间来回读文章，并自学库或语法书，把自己不确定的都弄清楚，那么便会减少不必要的失分。不管什么问题，只有自己查了，才能更好地掌握，希望你在以后的写作中能够多注重基础知识，比如句子的构成。然后可以积累一些好的词句，并将其运用到自己的练习之中，为自己的文章增彩。坚持就是胜利，加油吧，祝你考研成功!